woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
