Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
