I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
as a side note pls kill me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
