Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
