so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
