You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize