It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
