She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
