i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
