A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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