are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
