i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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