I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
