We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
