hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
