Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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