Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
