oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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