man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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