whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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