so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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