did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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