She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
