did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
