This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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