it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
