god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
