I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
