his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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