The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize