I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
