I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ttyl tear gas
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
