Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
is it fun? or sober?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
