his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
