dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
