and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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