MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize