very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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