dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
