I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
