just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
