i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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