I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
