6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
