moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
