fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
