ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
