I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
