getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Shame - the story of my life.
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