Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
