Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
