For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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