I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
