Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
