I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize