You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
