every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
