We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
