Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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