You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
