I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I understand Curling. That high.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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