The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Less talking, more tequila
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The Olympian is in my bed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
