help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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