I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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