May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
