we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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