im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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