When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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