I wannas sexs uuuuu
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
soo... how was my night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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