Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
