hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
