dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who died my cat blue again?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
