my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
