I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
