how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
