this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize