I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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