I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
