It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
