Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
