Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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