I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
