i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
