My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize