Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
