best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
