I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
