Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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