What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
