how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
