When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
