You're my little dorito
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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