Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
