I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
