The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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