He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
