Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
