I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize