I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
