the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
