I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
