i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
