the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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