Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
