i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
