***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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