I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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