this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
