Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
