so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
