So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
