I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
