He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
