You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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