I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
