I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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