remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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