I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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