know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
