Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
