I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
