This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i out mim tonsoeep
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