on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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