Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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